Still processing the stressful incident with that woman, I came across this blog post on Psych Central about adult tantrums with 7 suggestions on how to handle the situation. Glad that I instinctively did 6 (I didn't contact an authority figure).
Quote:
Adult Tantrums: What They Mean and What to Do | Psych Central
If you’re in close quarters with someone who’s having an adult tantrum, you might not know what to do. You could feel alarmed, particularly if they seem irate.
You might find it best to do the following:
Assess the situation. Are we talking about someone bursting into tears but not becoming violent, or someone who’s explosive, angry, and threatening? This will help you decide on an appropriate response.
If they’re beyond the point of reason, don’t engage. While you might want to defend yourself or another person, they might not be open to discussion. Engaging could worsen the situation. It may be wise to walk away if possible.
If you must talk with them, use a calm and even tone. Although their behavior might anger you, matching their anger could worsen the situation.
Don’t take it personally. Nobody has the right to threaten or insult you, but remember that their behavior is not a reflection on you.
Keep yourself safe. If they threaten violence, leave the area.
In severe cases, you might want to contact an authority figure. If you’re in a situation where you think someone might become violent, seeking authority could help. For example, in a store, you might contact management staff or security.
Breathe and decompress afterward. It can be frightening, upsetting, and frustrating to deal with a temper tantrum. Take time to process how you feel about it.
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Yesterday, I processed the incident with a social work grad student (at one of those walk-in counseling centers where those students earn hours towards their licensure with supervision while seeing patients).
The social work grad student commented that I did the right thing by leaving, if my intuition/gut instinct indicated that this woman's behavior and her cat hoarding house made me feel unsafe (which it definitely did).
The woman definitely was beyond the point of reason and she wasn't open to hearing me. I could have stayed overnight and try to talk to her the next day, but I wasn't willing to stay in that unsafe environment.
When I did set my boundary with her, I remained calm because I really was afraid of her.
I'm trying not to take her weird behavior personally and remember that her choices are not a reflection of me at all. She could have made different choices that led to a different outcome during my brief visit.
I kept myself safe by leaving her house.
I'm trying to breathe and decompress afterward. I'm trying to take time to process how I feel about the whole incident.
I have other online friends who want me to visit them (one lives in Florida). I think if I ever do visit them, I will NOT stay with them and will opt for a hotel instead. Or, they can come and visit me and stay in a hotel. So far, none of my online friends have indicated that they want to come visit me and since friendship is supposed to be a two-way street, I'll just wait and see what happens with these other online friends.
The big takeaway for me with this situation, is what divine1966 said, "you don't really know someone until you spend time with them in person." Even if I had prolonged my in-person visit to hang out with this former new friend, her adult tantrum behavior would have still revealed itself at some point, and that's not something I'm willing to put up with, from another adult friendship.