Yeah, and it's a scary thing to imagine other people going through the same thing. A big part of my panic attacks is the intrusive thought of being unable to stop focusing on my breathing. At that point it just becomes a struggle to keep doing it since I can't kick it back to being done subconsciously. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

And yes, I take my coffee completely black and limit myself to two cups a day under normal circumstances. Around this time of year when I start feeling too bad, I either cut back or cut it out entirely until I stabilize. And it's no fun because coffee is calming and relaxing for me, so I'm really depriving myself.

You make a good point about how anxiety and anxiety disorder are two different things. Honestly, I'd take it one step farther and say that excitement and anxiety feel very similar. And that makes me sad because I used to LIKE feeling excited, but now it just stresses me out.

I'm having a slightly better day today than yesterday, at least. Between medicine, therapy, and the support I get from here, I'd like to think that I'm doing much better. I hope all is well with you, too <3