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I have a background in adult education, and I've been considering some of these things, including the hyper-sensitivity aspect of ADD/ADHD. You are both right in that there are crossovers in traits and actions between ADD/ADHD and personality disorders.
The thing is, my wife's traits and actions became so, so unbelievably amplified in the last three years AFTER she began medications for ADD. A BPD or NPD person will often experience an increase in symptoms when on ADD medications.
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I have been researching this myself and it can get confusing. When it comes to ADD/ADHD the person can experience hypo sexuality where the person behaves like your wife in showing lack of interest in sex. This is due to experiencing so many thought distractions that the person gets frustrated and doesn’t like to be touched and wants it over quickly.
Given how a person can retain a lot of knowledge in the back of their brain they can learn. However because of the weakness in the frontal executive part of the brain they struggle with “doing” tasks. So they like to have others do for them. Yet, that doesn’t mean they appreciate it. In fact they can get mean and bossy and complain about time in how they can be inconvenienced. They lack patience and can come across as very entitled. There is a need to have attention and like to run the show.
Also due to the way the brain stores information it is actually possible to dream about sex and orgasm and at the same time not care to engage with a partner.
Then there is the ADD type that is hyper sexual where they use sex for a dopamine high. This type is more prone to clubbing and drinking and engaging in sex because they are eager to chase the dopamine high.
They are known to be terrible drivers and are impatient and YES will cut a line of drivers off and act like they are in the right. They are prone to tail gating and even road rage.
They have a problem with time and can have strange sleep patterns. They can self medicate with alcohol, coffee, nicotine and cocaine but also use marijuana too. They can have short tempers and be very needy. And they are wrestles yet women are often overlooked as they tend to hide it better.
My main concern is that if she has it that it’s very hereditary. Yes they can also be bossy impatient parents.