Quote:
Originally Posted by moose260
My partner posted a quote online saying "everything is temporary". He's not doing the best mentally atm and i'm supporting him the best i can. It got me thinking. I'm scared of abandonment and i hate this phrase. If he left me i don't know how i'd cope. I told him that quote sounded scary and he said it's supposed to be.
|
Hi, I hope you're feeling a little better having posted. It sucks to live in fear, and there sure is plenty of it in the world as is. I see this issue goes beyond the quote itself. Here's my line of thinking regarding the information given.
- The quote regarding impermanence is usually employed to provide solace and encouragement during challenging times.
- Your partner's response seems to be in conflict with point one. "It's meant to be scary?"
Point two only makes more sense when I consider your that your assisting him during a period of instability. It's during periods of instability that we often feed off each others fear.
At this point it matters little what came first with respect to any opposing thoughts.
When those closest to us are hurting, they tend to ignore and react to anything that adds to it.
It's great that your being strong for the both of you. My advice is to open a door that allows for your partner to further convey his meaning. Of course when we ourselves are dealing with fear, we also run the risk of reacting rather than responding. Choose your words carefully. Allow him a door to further convey the pain they are feeling.
An example of opening such a door for a response rather than a reaction would to simply ask "what's going on? - I'd like to know" - Are you OK?
It's not easy to avoid asking leading questions. I find leading questions can spur on the 'feeding-off-each-other cycle' during sensitive and triggering discussions.
I had to reread your post a few times as I often use quotes about impermanence as a means for hope re my own suffering. "This too shall pass..." But I think I have read you well, having taken the time to read more carefully.
I don't really need to know anything more other than being able to sympathise with anyone living in fear and offer some well meaning advice.
Look for clarity but be careful what doors you open when addressing this situation. Be aware of how the cycle of fear works.
It sounds like your doing the best you can in a difficult situation. I hope you find some solace in having posted.