I'm so sorry you were in a terrible relationship that caused you to go downhill and neglect yourself. Depression, as I know, has caused me to neglect myself in the past and I'm doing my best to take better care of myself, as I hope you are.


It's good to have goals, but we also need to make time to heal. You are young and while you certainly could become a gastroenterologist if you have the smarts and determination, it won't get the monkey off your back. You need time and help to heal and learn to manage yourself and your emotions. I remember a PhD in Philosophy telling me that when he got his PhD finally after years of hard work, the monkey came off his back for a day and then was right back on him again the next day. There is no panacea. What I'm trying to say is that fixating on an external goal won't magically erase our inner issues or the trauma we might've experienced. We need to process that and it takes time. Someone described it as peeling layers off an onion : there's always another layer to peel and it's a lifelong process.


Do you have a psychologist to talk to? Someone with whom you can examine how it was that you got involved in such a destructive relationship? Someone who can help you deal with grief, anger, shame, guilt, sadness and depression?

Make it a priority to find one, if you don't already have one...

Best wishes to you on your journey.