The compounding factor was...

I went to a 1.5 hour counselljng session with my daughter last night.

I came away going:

Ok, so mom's driving wasn't AS bad as I had thought, but she definitely didn't feel safe. Did I overstate that to my wife?

My daughter received some anger from her mom, but not as much as I thought.

She recounted stories of neglect that I wasn't aware of.

She recounted stories of very odd behavior from her mom, which her brother confirmed later; literally, sneaking through the house. Like... trying to tiptoe, peeking around corners and asking questions about if the kids are spying on her. Coming home with tons of jewelry purchases that I never knew about and that I don't know where the money came from. Money has been tight. Even something modest, like a $150 bracelet would be very noticeable. And our daughter talked about being angry at seeing her mom abuse me.

So, I had an evening of re-weighing my perceptions.

AND feeling like I had to apologize for ones I may have over reacted on, like her driving.