A term I just recently learned is DARVO. It stands for deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. We both already know the game well, but hey, there's an acronym for it.

The story you posted seems like a good example of that. The sin wasn't that she seemed to be somewhere unusual that might deserve an explanation, it was that your son would follow her and question it. And she changed the narrative just like that....

I rarely try to have an in depth conversation with dh because it's going to go that way 95% of the time. Even if there's no reason for him to turn it into some kind of attack, it ends up there. I swear it's a compulsion with him and he can't even help himself at this point.

Hang in there, and don't doubt yourself. You've been through way too much to do that.