She drove under the influence of alcohol with your kids. She needs to apologize, not you.

That reasonable interaction you had with her: that is an example of intermittent reinforcement. The offender gives a morsel of positivity and the victim starts to deeply question him/herself.

Open Eyes has a great question: Why are you so willing to take blame?

Here is a suggestion: when you feel that impulse to take blame, tell the situation here and see if this board agrees you are blameworthy.