I am very depressed. It feels like despair. @I have been thinking about suicide. I don't have intentions of harming myself right now.
I don't have any history of suicide attempt. ;

I probably should try to get psychological help. Last time I mentioned having serious depression to my provider (a physician's assistant,) she said she would refer me to the psych department of where I get my health care. But nothing came of that. That's happened more than once with her.

Three years ago, I did get hospitalized for depression with risk of suicide. That was after my boyfriend died. I was a hysterical mess at that time. I'm not like that now. I'm calm. So I probably would not seem in need of help. I don't want to go into any hospital. There's no need. I would not do anything harmful to myself, without giving it a lot of thought beforehand. It's just awful dismaying to think this aloneness will never end while I'm alive.

I've started too many deoression threads, as it is. Looking them over, with their dates, I see that I keep falling into an emotional pit over and over. Each time, it blows over, and then I feel quite chipper and upbeat for awhile. But pretty soon, I'm back in the trough again. It's happening with too much frequency. The main thing is that I have no one to talk to except here. I realize I'm getting too repetitive here.