@Nammu - I should make myself give it a try. I just felt so out of place when I went there last week. I dread going somewhere and not fitting in. My life feels like a nightmare right now.

Every 12 hours I take a Vicodin for neck and back pain which isn't even that bad. Now I just count the hours until I can take another one because that's the only thing that feels good to me. I don't want to keep feeling this awful. I keep breaking down. My apartment is becoming messy. I get hungry but can't cook. Just eat cup of noodles. I know I don't make the effort that I should. The trip just went so bad. They were what I was hanging on to for 3 years. That was an illusion. I have nobody here where I live either. It was just my boyfriend and me. My family is 2000 miles away. Hadn't seen much of them in years. Wish I never went back there.