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<font color="green">I want to thank you all for your responses. You made me think. I have been changing meds and so been depressed forever it seems. Everything becomes so much more than it needs to be.
Please understand that she mostly just teared up, it was not a weeping thing just wet eyes and a few tears escaping. No more than 5 minutes if you counted both times. I know the first time it had nothing to do with me, but the second time it was in direct response to my question and show of concern. She had dealt with it and was ready to work with me. I just can’t help myself – in my mind everyone and anyone else comes first before me. I care too much and I hurt for everyone else but not much for me. I am learning little by little but it is hard. I was not important as a child. I don’t know how to . . . to not care except to totally shut down.
I know my therapist or I think I do and I don’t believe she would have let me hug her or anything. However by backing off I struggled with dissociating. When someone I care about is hurting my mothering instincts come out. I have learned that most adults do not want to be mothered. But I have not figured out how or what to do instead.
You all are right I need to talk to my therapist about this, but I am scared. What if I do it wrong? What if she is hurt and so rejects me? What if she takes this as meaning that I don’t want to be close to her? That I cannot accept her as a human only as a therapist? I know I have her on a pedestal to some extent, but I think I see her as a person too. I guess I am just making myself crazy.
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dalila
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-Erma Bombeck
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