(((black-roses)))

What Revenge Tour said. Regrets are part of the human condition. It's a rare person, or a liar, that doesn't have them.

There was a show that use to run here in the states (radio and TV), called Loveline. You could call in and ask relationship, mental health, and other uncomfortable questions anonymously. Situations like yours came up a lot. They had a motto on the show, "less history. More mystery."

To take it a step further, a barometer I've learned to use is "is it relevant?" In any relationship, whether friendship or romantic, if something isn't relevant to the relationship, it might be better left unsaid. It's not about keeping secrets, it's just about not sharing irrelevant information. If something becomes relevant at a particular point, then it can be discussed.

Looking back over my long marriage (which has been difficult in recent times due to his ongoing health issues), there are things I wished I hadn't shared with him. Things that served no purpose in the relationship and probably made him look at me with different eyes. And the weird truth is that they aren't a problem for me, they are a problem for him. I may have failed to consider that it would have been kinder to spare him certain information- simply because he couldn't handle it.

And the reality is that after you've lived for a while, pretty much everyone has skeletons in their closet, so the guys you meet are likely to have those too. If I were ever in a position where I was entering a new romantic relationship, I'd readily accept that the man had his own share of past deeds, and it wouldn't matter (within reason). Honestly, for me. A man who's life had been charmed and run smoothly, a man who would expect some unrealistic perfection in a woman as a romantic partner, would be completely unrelatable to me.