My Support Forums - View Single Post - How to read/decipher hard to read social cues & hints

nonightowl · Jun 11, 2023, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka

I can read & detect the most obvious ones. Example m, someone looks at a watch or phone. They need to go soon or are bored

However, it is difficult me to read & get more subtle hints. Example: I’m almost never certain if I should contact a new aquaintence again after meeting them or not.

I have to rely on my intuition more than the b.s they say now. What’s the most confusing is when thet try to make plans with you or ask you to contact them then blow you off. Weird!

Especially if all thet say is that it was nice to meet me. Part of me think it’s a polite blow off, but part of me tries to contact them if we had a good conversation. I figure if they didn’t like me that much, they could’ve left sooner. Then I never hear from some of them again or I get the ‘I’m’ busy excuse a few times before giving up.

One former friend would always rudely interrupt me on the phone. I asked hee why she did that. She told me that it was a ‘hint’ & that it was less ‘rude’ than telling me than I was being to ‘longwinded’ even when I barely said anything! I told her that was rude & to stop, but she rarely did.

She’d also redirect the conversation a lot when she didn’t want to listen to something I had to say she said.

It’s like there are all of these unwritten rules that are difficult to impossible to understand. Would anyone on here even get the rude interruption as a hint to stop talking? Ugh!

I’d appreciate any tips on how to decipher b.s more easily, lol 😆 Why do so many people lie & say things they don’t mean & act fake? It’s not really being polite at all to me. There’s no need to be rude, but it’s rude to say things that you don’t mean.

I struggle with this too.

I used to think it was easier to read people in real life because you see their faces or hear their tone of voice, plus note their actions. But even online my gut will tell me someone is full of bs. I've had people say "Oh honey I'd never do that to you" after sharing my experiences of being ghosted, only for them to turn around and do JUST THAT. Oddly, my gut told me "yeah right" when I saw that.

Like Discomb, I prefer direct communication. I've always wondered if it's something that can be taught or some people are just born hard wired to communicate well. I've been told I'm clear and articulate, yet come from a family where open, honest communication was non-existent. I think this is why this kind of thing is so triggering to me. Heck, I grew up with it. I've 61 so I've had DECADES of it.

Years ago I had a "friend" who kept telling me she was "busy" after coming to me for a big favor. In hindsight, she just wanted something from me. And I got burned by her twice, as I made the mistake of reconnecting with her when I thought she was sincere about that.

That "nice to meet you" is just like that bs we say "How are you?" (a pet peeve of mine). It's trite stuff that may or may not mean anything. I say what I mean and mean what I say (that's similar to a line from an old song, The Games People Play, I love that song) but it seems people do not. Like you I have to rely on my gut more than what they say.

I won't tolerate anyone interrupting me or talking over me. I've said "I'm talking" and they shut up QUICKLY. I was taught it's rude to interrupt, maybe it's not taught anymore.

People do suck and it's so much work to try to read between the lines, instead of them just saying what they mean. It would save BOTH parties a lot of grief.

There's a loneliness epidemic in many countries now, even before COVID. Yet people still behave this way. We are social creatures, so it's normal to want to connect. It's how we survived thousands of years: Other humans. Then the roughly last 3 years we were told to isolate. I'm still recovering from it.

Many years ago, in the 80's, I had a pen pal around my age. I never met her or talked on the phone either. Initially we had a lot in common. But once she got married and had kids, it was all she talked about. We had less in common and it got harder to correspond. We amicably agreed about that and decided to stop writing, wishing each other well.

If only all relationships or communication were like that.

Currently I talk to just one person. I'm not sure if I want to explore Meet Ups, maybe I will with a grain of salt. Or a POUND of it.

It's certainly a risk, that I'll just get more bs. I don't want to drive far or deal with traffic/parking for THAT. So I hope there's something really local. But given my experiences, online and in real life, I tread carefully. Right now I don't have the emotional energy to actually go to any of them, but I just might browse.