Thank you @Open Eyes for your condolences. Three months isn't a long time. I think it will be a slow process for me. I continue to read grief resources and reach out to grief counseling groups.

The way she emotionally abused her own mom throughout the day on the phone, reminds me of that male attorney who's been in the news again recently for his divorce and child custody case. There are a multitude of videos online that show him engaging in domestic violence with his now deceased wife and his 3 young daughters. He calls his wife and daughters names, tells them to shut up, screams at them, etc. it's very triggering to watch.

His domestic abuse reminds me of my former friend's domestic abuse with her own mom. Once I made the parallel between my former friend and this male attorney's behavior, I realized that I did make the right decision to leave her house and to end the friendship. If she speaks to her mom that way, it's easy to assume that she also speaks to her husband and roommate and to all of her friends that way when she gets mad at them.

I feel terrible for those 3 young kittens because of the conditions of their environment. One of the kitten's came from another hoarder's home into her home (another hoarder) so no wonder it pees and poos everywhere, due to its own fear and anxiety there.

Thank you for sharing your own relatable experience being a house guest, @TishaBuv. I know you're right. I don't need to blame myself for not knowing that my former friend's house would be in such a state of disarray. There is no way, no way that I could have predicted that her home wouldn't be cleaned, that she wouldn't be a normal hostess and show me around her home and yard, and have fun sightseeing activities planned for us to do in her city during my visit.

Most people - including me - would not behave the way in which she behaved. I don't know why I'm still second guessing myself about this. I know, even if I'd checked into a hotel, when I would have arrived at her house, it would still be in that state of disarray, and she'd likely still would have spent hours on the phone arguing with her mom, ignoring me in the process.

Either she didn't care that I was there (?) or she assumed I'd just be ok with her spending hours arguing with her mom on her phone and not be bothered by it.

I did set the boundary with her that her behavior was disrespectful and triggered me emotionally and that I felt unsafe around her (due to her emotional abuse of her own mom, triggering me about my own emotional abuse from previous friends and partners, and reliving my mom's death from 3 months ago). She didn't apologize and she continued to ignore me. Then acted surprised when I told her I felt afraid to be around her. Her reaction showed me that she didn't really care about my feelings.

I mean, who acts crazy and assumes the other person (witnessing it or who is on the receiving end of it) isn't affected by it? Her behavior alarmed me. It triggered me. There was no way I could have predicted she'd go off the deep end like that. She'd also had a huge fight with her husband the day before my visit. She could have told me via text message that she'd had a fight and that she wasn't up for a house guest then I would have definitely booked a hotel room. But she didn't bother to preempt me with this important information. Clearly, she wasn't in the headspace for visitors. Fighting with her husband AND her mom. She could have warned me before I took that $60 taxi to her house.

This is a thread about boundaries. Mine. Hers. Everyone's. Why don't we use boundaries with each other as adults better? Was I wrong to expect her to use appropriate boundaries with me? Was I wrong to set boundaries with her and then leave and then end the friendship without any discussion after her bizarre behavior?

I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness too.

I need to find and surround myself with people who value my friendship, who don't emotionally abuse and manipulate me.