So sorry you are in an abusive relationship.
Your wife may have a personality disorder or other psychiatric condition.
Maybe someone on here could give you some tips on how to deal with the situation.
In the meantime, I would document everything you can and that would include recording/video, if necessary. You might want to consult a lawyer. She shouldn't be putting you and the kids down... and you'll need evidence to fight for full custody.
I also googled "how to deal with abusive women" and "men dealing with abusive wives" and a lot came up.
Also there this group for men:
Narcissistic Wife: 6 Signs Your Wife Is A Narcissist and Ways To Handle Them
take good care of yourself and the children.