I'm up at 3:30 am again this morning. Argh. I haven't had a period in 3 months, and the hot flashes or sweats seem to be on the increase. This is fun.. not.

I've been struggling over the fact that my ex husband is likely sleeping with other women. This part is hard for me to stomach. I have little problem being alone now or without him, really. But sex? It's upsetting to think of him having sex with someone else, touching someone else or even kissing someone else. I try to eliminate the thoughts from my mind or ignore and dismiss them, but they keep coming back. ARGH.

Maybe this is the last part of me letting go? Knowing he will move on and will let me go? I feel some sort of claim over him, like he's mine, and that's not right, nor does it make any sense.

I slept with a guy for the 3rd time this weekend. I don't want to be with him again. His approach is very porn like, which is not my style. And he was a bit too rough for my tastes. Funny thing though. I was at the club Sat night, meeting up with him, and another new guy came into the picture, a much cuter guy, while I was there. He was very attracted to me and kept coming up to me. Eventually, I gave him my number. Turns out that he too, lives an hour away from me in another state. Why can't I seem to meet people who live closer by me? Of course, because this particular club is out of state, that I am meeting men who live in that state. I am not going to do online dating to meet more eligible men. Not now while I am still unemployed.

This one says he wants to get to know me better. That's a better start than come home with me. He was there alone. He is very very cute... blonde hair and blue eyes, which I like.