BB- maybe you could start off discussing how you pretend everything is fine when you're really struggling and maybe come up with some ideas on how you can be more open with the bad stuff without feeling like a "total ****up" (which you are not at all btw).

I struggle with the same thing too though. I just can't seem to get myself to admit to people I know irl when I'm having a rough time, including my therapist. I mean, I can tell her certain behaviors but I can't explain the thoughts and feelings behind the behaviors because they seem stupid and irrational.

Maybe write some things down and bring it in to your next appointment? That's what I'm doing.