Do I want help? What does that even mean?

Wanting to have some fun (To balance out the energies of torture from being God, with so many hallucinations/people - That are also me) has now been cancelled out by the judgement - So now I'm like "Fine. I don't even care anymore".

- And then desperation comes along, and tells me to just want to escape from the pain as quickly as possible - Even if it's short term, and causes problems later. It's impulsivity, from how torturous life is. No wonder everyone is dysfunctional as all hell.

And some people want to save everyone - Life is meaningless, and people give it meaning. I just want to escape, forever. I want to be off of this Earth. Too afraid to die though - But if I die, that would be the greatest blessing - Although the same stuff will just happen again after that. Eternal nothingness is NOW, for everyone.

I deserve what I get. I'm taking things seriously by writing all of this, and I don't even want to. So from now on, I won't.