Thanks for the replys, I dont mean to sound harsh, but its not hugs I want right now....you see they don't work like they use too or I've grown out off needing that kind of "attention"? I'm not sure, I guess is just a adult to adult communication I want now...geez I bet that sounds kinda off dismissing? BUt its not...I mean how can others "see" what you want if you dont speak it?...I seem to be having a lot off brain activity at nights this weeks...this always happens when stuff is becoming consious... I wake up with vague memories of a scary dream and left with heavy feelings on awaking....Im not finding my genie works at the moment...what I mean by that is I use to be able to wish away my feelings and fears and go into another world with the rub of lantern...at first I begin to mourn this inabilty and feel angry that I left with the "reality" and I almost seem to stamp around, though only in mind not in foot...then gradually more and more comes to me..the painful mechinisms that I use to avoid the reality and now much better it is to be real, to be here and now and to speak my truth and too feel my truth...its becoming familiar now to me the uncovering and then discovering and then recovering....each time this happens and I get through it alive...I am then freed up to be partake in real day to day stuff and not be laid heavy with fantasys of escape....the best part of this is discovering what I really like and whta I dont'...what I mean by that is, what I was willing to put up with to avoid imaginary abandoment and by doing this actually feeling lonelier then ever because my soul wasn't in the "person/thing/event"....like this I get to be and do what I really want....

Thanks for reading me!