Why shouldn't I kill myself?

I'll never get better. Even if I do stop binging and purging (which at this point seems impossible since I get to three days and I can't stand the physical symptoms) I'm always going to look in the mirror or step on the scale and feel disgusted with myself. I'm always going to eat and feel like that food doesn't belong there. I don't feel like I'll ever gain enough control to stop eating when I've had enough. I don't think I'll ever stop throwing up after eating too much too fast. I don't think I'll ever stop feeling like sh-it.

Even if I recover from bulimia, there's still SUD to recover from. And SZA to manage. And trauma to work through. And I'm starting to think that hospital was right when they said I have BPD.