You remind me of myself.
And my self loathing.
Liking yourself is a good place to start since we are stuck in this body we may as well try to ease some of the pain attached to it. It's not easy to do. All you can do is try to challenge each negative thought or belief.

Take the energy you have for finding a relationship and start having one with yourself.

That's my advice FWIW
Hope you have some peace today [emoji5]

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