I accomodated her request last week. Although I had told her in advance that I stress out about my exams. I have accomodated her on several occasions for months. I feel worn out by the entire situation and the news of her date was a serious blow. Even though she made a remark about her inclination to guys who put up a lot of show that suggest she realizes it is not a healthy pattern, it appeared as if she has already decided before she even saw him.

I spent a lot of time talking to people. Telling my story. Telling about how I faced my worst fear and asked her out on several occasions and how she agreed and eventually backed out at every initiative of mine. I talked about all the ambiguity.
I also talked with somebody who has known her for a longer time. It is what she does ... she keeps going for those "spectacular" guys (and she keeps crashing every time it doesn't work out) but she als keeps as many good-meaning men as possible lingering. I am in that last category.

So in the end I think I really have to give up on this situation. Her backing out of every occasion we could have gone out (but still asking me for workshops, probably when nobody else is available) means I am not good enough for her. My long history of rejection (and the ever growing fear for having to go through this all over again) tells me that I am good enough for nobody and this last experience only confirms that I should become a better person, do even more even if that is probably impossible. My only conclusion is that my fate is to rot away in loneliness. My average life expectancy is still another 35 years. I am not willing to bear with this for that long. I will graduate next year. That is my deadline for finding a relationship too.