I hope I didn't offend anyone off with my attitude.

I wish I could love art for the fun of it but I had difficult life where I was told I was lazy because I didn't think about getting a career or that only a job that pays the bills matter....

Probably the only time I enjoyed art was when I was a child even though my parents disapproved because they were looking at the future and thinking I would be a starving artist.

I was told early on by my parent that I had better start thinking about a paying job.

But I struggled at school my whole life. That hasn't stopped for me.

So part it of the fear that I have to pay the bills somehow because I don't think I can work forever.

I know I have 2 jobs. I don't need another one but if I lost them, I would feel panicked. And I don't feel good spending money. I feel stressed over my purchases.

And plus, I don't really like my jobs. I hoped that I could actually do something that I enjoy through art but it doesn't seem possible to make a living with it.

Anyhow I need to get to work.