Loss is tremendously difficult to process. And you have suffered so many losses! Yikes!

Our brains are wired in certain ways when it comes to grieving and the way they suffer can surprise and even shock us at times. It is as if the brain had a mind of its own so to speak.

Sometimes grief turns into clinical depression when the stress of it causes pathology in the brain such as atrophy of certain regions of the brain, reduced regional cerebral blood flow and energy utilization [brain glucose metabolism]. When that happens, a trip to the doctor can sometimes help because there are medication that can stop or reverse brain atrophy and increase cerebral blood flow and energy utilization.

For a long time, people didn't think that the brain itself could become ill. But clinical depression is every bit as real as epilepsy. Some of the symptoms of depression are sleep disturbances, eating disturbances, loss of the joy of living, loss of peace of mind and so on. You probably know all this already and I am
boring you. Sorry,

Time can sometimes ease the pain the brain experiences from loss and grief but if one finds oneself spiraling downward and downward and out of control, medical help may be life saving.

It is not that medication can erase grief. But it can sometimes help a person so that they can grieve as a mentally healthy person rather than a person caught in the web of clinical depression.

I wish I knew how to help you. I once suffered from grief for 13 years before I knew to get help. And you are grieving far more losses than I was. I am wishing you well and must apologize for not knowing how to be helpful to you!