The entitlement is becoming more and more apparent, such as buying herself gift cards and prepaid Visas hidden in the grocery and gas expenses, so that she could treat herself without anyone knowing, while the rest of us went without.

I'm in a lot of pain today. This is as bad as it was in January when we first separated.

This is unreal.... This is the complete loss of someone who was my world for 25+ years. This is financial distress and becoming a single parent, and the complete mind-F that goes along with recuperating from all this, and helping the kids feel worth and move ahead.

And you're supposed to just.... Go to work, make meals, clean the house, and act normal with everyone you interact with.

I swear, today, if someone took my heart out of my chest and squeezed it in their fist in front of me, it couldn't hurt any worse than it does right now.

And I still want her. It's years of being denied and being conditioned to try harder, and I still want her.

Holy moley this is painful today.