Hey everyone!

So my birthday is next Monday, and it's bringing up a lot of emotions in me. My high school is also advertising on Facebook for a reunion which I am 80 pounds way too fat for, on disability and with a jail record. No thanks.

I want to say that bipolar hasn't reared its ugly head in quite some time, (mania, depression), but I am quite emotional. Maybe it's just the moody Cancer astrological sign in me? I don't know.

It also looks like I will be looking at a conviction in August for the time I spent in jail and the charges I have. Even though I was told that if I went to rehab, they would be dropped, apparently now that's not the case. After 10 months in jail and 14 months in rehab, it still won't end. I really hate this whole system as a whole, because now for the next 7 years I will have a horrible conviction on my record. I feel like my life is over.

But through all of that, I have this gleam of hope that shines through. My dad and mom are really supportive, I have some good real-life friends and a best friend who is taking me to the beach this weekend, (which I never had before), so I am trying to let that internal gratitude list shine through.

I am most grateful for my CPAP machine, because of the restful sleep I get. Bipolar used to be so hard to manage without good sleep, and no matter what pills I used to throw at it, it wouldn't help like this machine does.

I guess what I am asking, is how do I stay focused on the good, instead of this court date in August? I've heard so much talk about Mindfulness and living in the present, but God help me if I can do that - or stay focused long enough to even have a breakthrough like that.

So glad to be here on MSF though, (I still have a fondness for the name PC or PsychCentral). Hope ya'll are having a fantastic day!