I've been trying to stay off here as well I'm seeking help from my own people who just don't give a damn or they are judging me.

I've been high for about 4 months. In this time I've contacted my community mental health team aka Psychiatrist and he has dismissed this and has said I'm fine. Cause he apparently knows me. I've spoken to 5 Community Mental Health Nurses 2 of which have said I need a med tweak... but Psychiatrist has refused. 1 CPN actually said my skin crawling was nothing but a skin irritation. It's nothing to do with a mental health condition.... DESPITE this being part of my paranoia and has been forever. So I've had to ride the mania out since February and I'm still high. I'm not manic manic but I'm not stable by any means

I'm paranoid, anxious, stressed, giddy, worried above everything else

My therapist thinks I have ADHD my Psychiatrist is refusing to test me. As he says I have "traits" of it. I obtained my medical records as I feared they were hiding things from me. I've been told in my notes I have AVPD... Avoidant Personality Disorder diagnosed in 2016 year I was unaware of this.

I'm talking to guys and tonight (Wednesday) I was going to be meeting a guy for sex. We have spoken for months and now we were meeting up. I told a friend however she has refused to get into touch with me my 1 friend my 1 connection to normality has refused to get in touch.

I've lost touch with reality, I'm paranoid and I'm stressing that people are judging me constantly. I'm paranoid even outside I can't enjoy the summer cause I'm too paranoid.

FYI the meet up got cancelled and I peeved and gutted. I'm peeved cause I have no-one in the world holding my back for me

Sorry for long post I'm just needing to get it out. I don't need a lecture I just need to vent ok. Thanks if you've read this. Sorry

Ps I've been reading my suicide note I found in my house I have no plan its just triggered me. I've also been reading my letters to everyone. I've been writing a list of what to do if I end up in the hospital.

I've messed up!!