((((RD))))

Glad you made an appointment. It sounds like it might be good to clear your mind that way.

A bit of what you've written recently sounds very much like codependency (which is a common dynamic in narcissistic relationships, not just alcoholic ones). Do you possibly identify as such? I was just reading the "Undependence" chapter of Codependent No More that talks about codependent's emotional dependency on the other person. All the things we do and don't do to earn and keep that person. All the things we do to try and make the relationship what we think it should be, and what we want it to be. Not saying that you are this, but some of it feels so familiar to me