At least you recognize it.

Have you read the book? If not, I highly recommend it. Changed my perspective about my spouse, the relationship, what I was doing, what I should be doing, what he wasn't doing, etc. Clarity.

There use to also be a free pdf version of the 12 step work book somewhere online. That's also great for sorting out your brain. Walking through the exercises was difficult but very eye opening for me.

Learning to detach is magic.