Hi sujunew
Dissociation can be kind of scary at times. There are times when I am not completely gone but do sit outside of myself. For me though, I guess it's comforting, maybe because I've always done it, not sure. But it feels safe to me to watch from afar. I think for me, when it gets too scary, I just disappear and another part takes over.

I struggle more with coming and leaving type stuff. My T said I am switching in and out a lot during those times. All I know is I'm not here enough and I'm not gone enough and it's so choppy and confusing. During those times, I'd rather be all here or all gone because I can't seem to get a thing done and can't concentrate on anything. I think my brain functions well when I'm gone and another part takes over and maybe half as well when I'm here by myself lol. During the times when I am in and out, I might as well go to bed!

It does not sound like DID to me, but the dots on the dissociation line are so close and a person can be anywhere on it. That doesn't mean it's not a dissociative disorder though (and it could be DID- only a professional can diagnose that thankfully ). I think when I sit outside myself, I am experiencing depersonalization. Everyone does dissociate to a degree. I think anxiety definitely makes it worse.

I'm feeling kind of under the weather atm so I hope what I'm saying is even making sense. I'm so sorry you're struggling. Please keep us posted as to how things are going. We care about you.