I just can't imagine having a life so much better that it would be worth going through this and all the other stuff I've been through.

Saw pdoc yesterday though. She made some minor med changes so hopefully I can sleep more than 20 hours a week and I'll even out a bit. So I don't feel completely hopeless right now. Last night went well. I fell asleep around 9 and woke up at 5. Feeling hungover. A combo of an actual hangover from drinking, zyprexa, and finally sleeping.

I'm going to try and get better. I know I can do good for someone out there somewhere. Not going to off myself (I say that now, but I'll probably feel differently in two hours).