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nonightowl · Jun 24, 2023, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lostagain71

I don’t even know how to begin to let out all of these feelings about my grief over my family and friends deaths. I thought I had processed most until I lost my last two siblings last month. Less than two weeks apart. My sister’s autopsy has not come back yet. My brother died less than two weeks after her of a brain stem stroke. They said he had bronchitis earlier that week. Now I am back to constantly dreaming about my parents, cousin, brother and one of my student’s that killed herself last November. I even find myself going back to my sister-in-law’s suicide in 2000! It is to the point that somehow my recent losses don’t feel real. Like they will be back tomorrow. Before I even get out of bed every single morning, I am overwhelmed and literally have to steady myself when I finally get up. I don’t know what to do.

I feel the same as having had a lot of losses in a short period of time.

And some of those were people I've been estranged with for years.

I also feel the "5 stages" of grief is an oversimplication. I can't find the thread now, but recently there's been the theory that there's way more than 5! I think 10 or 12. Not everybody experiences all of the stages and it's definitely not "linear.'' You could skip stages or go through some in just one day or one hour!
I've just read one book on grief, called something like Sixth Stage of Grief, finding meaning in loss" by David Kessler. I didn't find it too helpful. I don't know if it's because I read it too soon or it doesn't apply to me. I couldn't relate to it much.

I've been to grief groups and have had mixed results. Sometimes even people who are also grieving are not necessarily going to have empathy or even much sympathy. This was a rude awakening for me. Plus not everyone grieves the same and add to that the different backgrounds one comes from, it makes something already complex even more so.

I'm not sure how I feel about my parents, having discovered they favored my brother clearly over me and his name is on so many legal documents yet mine is nowhere to be seen. Only exception is how they named me an "alternate" which means "second choice" on some medical directives. Not only did they NOT give me a copy, they didn't even discuss it with me or tell me my name is on it. It was so secretive yet they used to berate ME for not being open enough.

Sigh...I'm thinking what works for me is time. And I'm giving myself years to process this, as I don't know how really. And one loss came just months after COVID broke out, so I was reeling from THAT. How could I also process grief when I was in fight or flight mode, like the rest of the world? 3 years later I'm finally trying to process it, whatever that means for me.