Things are going pretty well. I'm back to night shift and this is my first night shift in awhile where I haven't had nightly panic attacks. I've been going through CBD tea and have found myself taking my hydroxozine (my "as needed" med) less and less lately. There's a lot of factors, of course - one of which is just unwinding and enjoying myself. Luckily, I have a job where I can play games all night.

Game development is a hobby, not a job. A more accurate term would be modding or hacking, actually, since I don't actually make original content, I just improve what's out there to the best of my ability. If you've ever heard of Final Fantasy VI, my most well-known work is a mod for it called Brave New World. My ACTUAL job is network operations for a differential GPS provider, which affords me a good deal of spare time to pursue my passion projects.

The thoughts and physical feeling conundrum has had me pretty perplexed for the last few days, too. My knee-jerk instinct was to say the feelings, but that doesn't seem to be the case. In most cases, I think it's actually the thoughts that come first. But what happens is, like someone in this thread (possibly you) said earlier, excitement and general stress all start to feel like anxiety after awhile, and that's the scenario where the feelings come first and your mind reacts inappropriately. A good example is when I get in my truck every morning to go to work. I live in Houston, so it's approximately several thousand degrees here right now. Every time that wave of hot air hits me I feel a wave of anxiety because the air is hot enough to actually be choking. What should just be a mildly uncomfortable feeling is anxiety-inducing because it feels just for a moment like I can't breathe.

I guess the thing to zero in on is the actual process of quieting my thoughts, then. Up until now my main strategy has just been distracting myself, which is only somewhat effective. I'm guessing that's where the CBD techniques will come in.

Do you ever feel like problems you have ever made it difficult for you to be there for your husband when he needed you? I feel like I might have asked a similar question awhile ago. It just feels to me like part of being an adult is having so much responsibility that it's just not ever okay for me to not be okay for awhile and take the time I need to not be. My girlfriend is a sweet person, but she's pretty constantly in need of help, and often much more than I'm able to provide. It's hard sometimes to not blame myself for not doing more, especially when all that's holding me back is something "stupid" like anxiety.

Hope your week is going well, too! It's back to Zelda for me now. Thankfully, the princess is patient enough to wait for me to run around Hyrule harassing animals and taking pictures of plants.