Had kind of a boring weekend. In between numerous thunderstorms, it was too hot and humid to really do much outside. Saturday morning we did go for a nice long walk before it got too hot and stormed. Today I attempted to go for a walk but had to turn around pretty quickly because of another looming thunderstorm. It was sunny but there were ominous clouds to my left and I heard a couple of gentle rumbles. Better safe than sorry.

We did take my mom out to lunch. I’m going to attempt to get her out more. I have to have a serious talk with her about the house, but I’m going to wait to see what the siding people say. There’s extensive damage to one of the window frames because a shingle fell off awhile ago and rain got in, rotting out the wood. So that window definitely needs replacement, along with the big box bay window. I’m going to wait for the siding guy because then I’ll have a professional’s opinion to take to her. Hopefully she’ll start to see sense. But I’ve decided I can only do so much and if she doesn’t want to accept the help for whatever reason then I can’t get myself all worked up about it.

Tomorrow RS is going to the turnpike for his interview. He will be working until 4:30 if he gets the job and if he ends up at the yard with his friend it’s a 45 minute commute. So he won’t be getting home until well after five (right now he’s home around 4:30). There’s also a lot of overtime and some Saturdays. I will have to get used to him not being around as much. This is where it would be useful to have actual friends that I could talk to. But I’m just not social. My only two friends are my two sisters in law and I can’t really even call them friends anymore because I so rarely talk to them anymore. So I’m very alone. I have a lot of trouble trusting and getting close to others for fear of being judged for my illness. All my friendships with coworkers are surface acquaintanceships. And I just don’t go out in my community. I always wanted to do the NAMI groups but they’re all during the day and the DBSA group is at the hospital and I don’t like going there.

But the turnpike would be a wonderful opportunity for RS and for us as a family. State benefits, he’d get a pension, life insurance, state holidays, two weeks’ vacation time, and sick time. And it’s reliable, the turnpike sure isn’t going anywhere. So I’d just have to find ways to entertain myself. Walks, gym time, maybe try some new recipes. I’ll have to come up with a list of things I can do alone. I spent five years alone after my first husband died so an extra few hours a day won’t be too hard I’m sure. Just take some getting used to.

I have ECT on Friday, I’ve done very well in the last three weeks without it so if I can get down to once a month for now as maintenance that would be fantastic. Maybe I can fully skip my winter crash if I keep the maintenance ECT going. I don’t have to worry about winter for a good while though. Just enjoy the summer off!