Background: Have schizoaffective disorder, bulimia, addiction issues, and CPTSD. Am losing sleep, starting to have minor hallucinations, having a couple drinks here and there and a joint every now and then. Going through a lot of relationship chaos that's causing chaotic emotions.

In general I get an episode that becomes severe enough to need hospitalization (which is every episode) every 4 months. That's why I'm in ACT (Assertive Community Treatment). I'm approaching that mark and I'm beginning to spiral.

My coping skills are breaking down. I got bored of the healthy shyt and went back to drugs, alcohol, and self-harm (but at least I don't binge/purge as much. I still obsessively weigh myself/body check/freak out about numbers). I'm trying to use my supports as much as possible, but I can tell they're getting sick of me constantly being in crisis over things they consider to be minor (ex. yesterday I had to call the ACT on-call/crisis line saying I wanted to kill myself because my mom yelled at me that she had to pee).

People keep telling me I just need to keep practicing the healthy coping skills and then they'll be ingrained in me and the unhealthy ones will fall to the wayside. I do practice them, but they're just so... mundane. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy playing the piano, hiking, and writing amongst other things, but it's nothing compared to having a few and actually calming the mind and lifting the spirits (no pun intended).

In the hospital I usually go to when I go voluntarily they keep saying I need to take my PRNs more often too. I'm really bad at that. I always convince myself I'm not bad enough to need one or it's not going to help.

I know I need to quit drinking/using, start sleeping, use my PRNs, and get used to using the healthy coping skills. How do I get myself to do that?

I've been IP so many times I don't even care about going back.

Maybe I just want an escape from this house filled with so many traumatic memories? Maybe I should just sleep in my car somewhere far from here for a few days until I feel like I can handle things again?

It's also a little complicated because I'm on a condition discharge saying I can't be violent, have to take my meds, need to go to therapy/can't miss pdoc appointments, and have to pass drug tests (They always come up around my pdoc appointments or my injection appointments so I know not to use prior to that to pass them.) or else I'll be sent back to the state hospital.

Sorry this is so long.

TL;DR: When you start falling apart and psychosis, thoughts of sui, impulsivity, self harm, substance use, and severe and swift shifts in mood come up, how do you keep yourself safe enough to not need IP?