Hey Billy,

It's great to hear that things have been going okay recently. That's really great news that the night time panic attacks seem to be staying at bay.

Wow, your hobby is next level. Seriously, that is awesome. I'm familiar with the franchise, though have never played it. How long have you been modding games? That's really cool.

Your "real job" sounds like a good fit for you? Do you enjoy that work as well?

From what I understand, reactions of the nervous system are similar for any sort of anxiety/anger/excitement, so it's possible to trigger that same sensation with any of those. It's not uncommon for someone's first big bout of anxiety/panic to be triggered by being too hungry. They get scared and don't understand what caused it, which can inadvertently start the bigger anxiety cycle. Anyhow, once you're in a sensitized state, it's not unusual to get tripped up by things like the heat situation. It's very positive if you move past it quickly.

Distracting yourself isn't generally very effective, because in a sense it's avoiding whatever is causing the anxiety, which tends to give it some credibility to the brain.

Do you have CBT techniques in your arsenal yet? If you don't mind sharing, what exercises do you use as CBT?

Mine mostly used both exposure and 'turning the mind'/mindfulness depending on the situation. Exposure therapy for things that could be overcome directly (like anxiety about driving- btw, I love driving again at this point, though at peak anxiety it had become difficult). And the mindfulness was good for things that couldn't be corrected directly- like bad thoughts and "what-if" worries. Instead of distracting or trying to fight or banish the bad thoughts, I'd turn my mind to the physical environment and focus on things outside of myself (sights, sounds, smells, etc) until the thoughts and sensations passed.

Of course there are still times that you should have a vacation in your mind and enjoy being distracted, but it's good if it's not connected directly to an anxiety reaction.

—-> Do you ever feel like problems you have ever made it difficult for you to be there for your husband when he needed you? I feel like I might have asked a similar question awhile ago. It just feels to me like part of being an adult is having so much responsibility that it's just not ever okay for me to not be okay for awhile and take the time I need to not be. My girlfriend is a sweet person, but she's pretty constantly in need of help, and often much more than I'm able to provide. It's hard sometimes to not blame myself for not doing more, especially when all that's holding me back is something "stupid" like anxiety.<----

I fell into a very bad place over several years of trying to help dh, which came at heavy cost to myself. I became "other" focused on him and essentially lost a lot of my own identity. It's a form of codependency- and what brought me to these forums. I mostly didn't matter anymore. His problems were seen as so big, that only he got care and attention.

I've since learned that when someone in a relationship has some kind of serious disorder- mental health disorder, personality disorder, alcoholism, etc, that without strong boundaries it's not unusual for it to morph into a lopsided relationship.

Our responsibility is to ourselves first and foremost- without ourselves, who or what do we have? Tending to your own needs makes you better able to deal with other people. When your batteries are fully charged, other people get a much better version and experience of you.

Your needs are very important, even if they aren't as high on some perceived scale as hers, and you should take care of yourself without feeling guilty. It's up to you to decide how much help you can afford to offer her. Whatever your limit is, that's okay. Only you can determine what that looks like at any given time.

My dh doesn't like boundaries, btw. Sometimes it means he doesn't get his way, or feels like he's lost control of a situation or isn't the center of attention like he wants to be. That's hard for him, but necessary for me and DD. As much as we might want him to be happy and comfortable, we can't sacrifice our own happiness and comfort as the exchange, know what I mean?

Don't worry, Zelda will wait, and something tells me that once you do save her, she'll find a way to put herself in peril again.

Overall, last week was slightly rocky. Dh had a bad week and has been very out of sorts, but that's where that boundary/codependency thing comes in. His problems can weigh on the household and I feel compassion for him, but his problems and emotions aren't mine to take on- so I don't. So many things could be better, but I'm navigating it and choosing to do my best to not pick up what he's putting down

Hope the coming week is good for is all.

Btw, I want to ask about your avatar sometime, but this one is way too long already