This matter has lately been in my thoughts more than ever, idk why... Ancient Greek philosophers seemed to be able to reach (very) old age with some dignity and still much energy and awe at the world but somehow my illness, doctors and all these "imperfect" medicines are deforming what I feel and what I want to become in my life. I don't enjoy my present situation much, hence I'm not distracted into something meaningful and every new bday scares the **** out of me too. I need to change this. Sorry if I sounded too gloomy, I explained my view as best as I could. Hugs. D.