I can't tell if I'm in an episode because I'm using, or if I'm using because I'm in an episode. Or both. Either way I'm fked up because I'm fked up. I gotta say though, the stuff I'm doing is really really working... temporarily... it's literally the only way I can get some "sleep" even if it's not real sleep it's a break from the racing thoughts and the agitation and the pissed offness and the rage and it gives me a good reason not to drive back to that meth head again and smoke pcp laced weed with random people in the woods. I'm content this way. RIght now. 5 seconds ago I was ready to take a baseball bat to the next motorcycle that I see. And I bet in five minutes I'll be ready to die. And then I'll call on-call and by the time they call back all will be good again and I'll say "I'm fine now, never mind."

Well, this is a step up from passing out in the woods at night from purging. At least this is acceptable behavior in this town. (A fed bear is a dead bear)