Quote:
Originally Posted by Molinit
I find it disturbing that somehow you came out of marriage counseling with the notion that you must accommodate him sexually because this is SOOOOOO important to him, yet he seems not to accommodate you in other ways.
So in other words, you came away with the feeling that if you don't do what he wants sexually or allow him to do so, your marriage will end. This is a falsehood. He puts a carrot on a stick for you to follow around. You give him the sex, and now you are lacking a "connection" that he needs SOOOOOOO much.
You're already alone. Why be alone with someone else?
I will say this - if he's asking for this open marriage, you can bet he's already opened it on his side or he has someone in the wings. Start checking his internet history and his phone. You will probably find your answer there.
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I am glad you brought this up. When we were in couples therapy the therapist seemed more concerned about accommodating him and his needs. None of it was really about me. At the time, I had a baby, a 2 year old and a 4 year old and was basically doing everything myself and yet, most of the therapy was about him. And sex. And all I got out of it, apart from the notion from the therapist herself that I was supposed to accommodate him sexually whenever he wanted and was a bad wife for not doing so, was that I lowered my expectations of him so when he didn't help me I no longer expected it so I didn't get frustrated. I just took it on myself. Now, the kids are older so it is somewhat easier managing them and my husband is better at doing logistical things like dropping kids off or going to sports practices than he is at hands on stuff at home so it has worked out okay. But, again, all good points. BTW - our couples therapist is now his personal therapist.
About the open marriage, you might be right there too. But, he does seem to be sticking around asking for my permissions rather than going and doing at least for now. But I would not be surprised if something was going on. In the past few months he has traveled a lot for work so I may never know.