(((chaotic))))
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And I am asking myself: Why am I investing a lot of cognitive energy in trying to figure out why I am so unhappy and what makes me do some of the things I do? Does it really matter if I uncover the root of my dysfunction? Do I even have a dysfunction or is my own mind just creating one? I don't know.

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This thought is all too familiar to me. I have OCD, the disease of doubt. I don't wash my hands or tap a doorway as my compulsion, I solve problems. When I actually figure something out, my anxiety lifts. The problem is, I'm trying to solve my inner issues which may not be solveable.

This all comes from an intolerance to feel anxiety. When I feel anxiety, it means I have a problem to solve and my mind starts spinning.

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I guess I am at the point of...what is all this struggle with feeling and articulating my feelings really going to get me in the end?

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I ask myself this question daily. It has helped me gain insight but I still think that there is going to be a day when I "figure it all out" and my problem will be solved. (Yes, I know this is irrational). How frustrating it is to have an added pathology - like I don't have enough already!

I'm not saying you have OCD. What you were saying, though, just struck a chord. I hope things get better for you! If I figure it out, I'll let you know, If you figure it out first, just PM me. Take care.