Thanks EM! I am trying. It's why I posted here, and why I'm texting with J. I'm trying to do the 'healthy' and 'mature' thing.

After talking with J, she convinced me to reach out to L. I did. Not because I wanted to. I don't. But because it was the right thing to do. I left L a voicemail saying why I was upset with her, that I was angry, that she took something precious away from me, and that I don't forgive her. J said she was proud of me. She said that forgiveness is not important right now. That I'm grieving and part of my grief process is anger. L will call me back in the morning. That's our routine: I call and she returns my call asap.

I really hope you're right about the change L might experience. I know parenthood changes people. It can bring out the worst and/or best. I just don't want to lose any of the good parts of her.