I woke up depressed this morning. I wasn’t motivated to make a healthy breakfast so I bought an egg McMuffin which is moderate. I wanted a McGriddle which is definitely not healthy but I resisted. I can tell I’m not going to make it to the gym but it finally stopped raining so I think I’m going to push myself to go for my short walk route. If I go out to the end of the main road and back it’s exactly one mile. I’ve told myself I don’t even have to walk briskly if I don’t feel up to it. Just move a little today.

I have plenty of microwave meals that are on the healthy end so a minimal effort lunch is covered. I honestly don’t even feel like eating right now, I really made an effort to eat that sandwich. That’s what happens when I’m depressed, either I binge on chips and sweets or I struggle to eat. No in between.

I really don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s just been too long between ECT sessions. Monday I was off but that was due to a bad dream. I felt better after working out. But today I just don’t have the motivation. I will find out tomorrow. If I’m still depressed i might have to step up the ECT again, unfortunately. I wish I could get by with just medication but I’m already on five. I really wanted to try caplyta but my insurance said no.

Oh well. One bad day after a good two months of stability isn’t too bad.