If you haven't been in something like this, it is hard to explain how much you lack confidence in your abilities.

At one point my wife told me, "If we come up against something and you can't figure it out, then I know we're really screwed. When there's a problem with the house or a car and you can't solve it, I don't know who to go to because I don't know how anyone else can."

That was the ONLY time she said something of that nature to me. That was breadcrumbing, after tons of examples of taking me apart for my incompetence at anything.

Then, when we have an interaction that is a twist, a variation, of the truth, it unsettles me so much for a long time after. It really leaves me worried about my ability to do anything, especially lead and guide and parent my kids.

It's not fair to them, but I often WANT to say, "Are you sure you made the right choice? Are you sure you're OK here with me?"

They need confidence and competence, and they need someone to actually validate reality to them.

Total mind-F.

RDM.