This week two recruiters set boundary traps for me and I fell in both times. When will I learn! I'm so triggered by recruiters due to the nature of their roles in my contract work life, that I should just avoid recruiting agencies, period.

Recruiter #1 was referred to me by a professor I confided in about job hunting. The recruiter called me after I sent her my resume. She gave me her feedback and this is where the red flags popped up:

Red flag #1: Negativity bias. She said to me, "Now, if you don't hear from me, that's not personal it's because I don't have a permanent role that I feel you'd be a good fit for."

Why would she make it personal? She doesn't even know me -- just from what my professor told her about me (I have no idea what was shared).

Red flag #2: When I received an email from a job website from a recruiter (unnamed) for a role through her staffing agency, I thought it would benefit me to forward the email to her.

Her email response to me was a red flag, because she asked me who reached out to me and she wouldn't ask me why she wanted to know. My initial response was that she was going to tell that recruiter not to follow up with me about the role her recruiter colleague contacted me about on the job site I joined. Had she said, "Oh, that's great. I'll ask around and find out if I can help you," I'd feel better about it.

In hindsight, it was dumb for me to forward her that email. I should have waited for the recruiter from her staffing agency to call me after I responded.

Red flag #3: My brother in law works there and I found this out when I called the staffing agency, because his name popped up in my phone. He had been unemployed for a couple of months and my sister didn't share the news that he was recently hired (I guess, why would she since I've posted about our acrimonious relationship here in previous threads). It was awkward to find this out (and confirm it on LinkedIn) because my BIL hates my guts. And for good reason (I guess).

At his last recruiting firm, he invited me to join it to get contract work (big mistake on his part, despite his good intention). His former agency recruiters would pass me by for roles I applied for and would lie when I asked them for an explanation. I never complained to my BIL about his coworkers (so I did something right that way).

But, I had it out with the agency's owner when one of the recruiters told me I was incompetent. Everyone knew my BIL and I were related so I know my behavior didn't help him at all. I can't blame my BIL for hating my guts for that reason. So, to find out the recruiter my professor referred me to, also knows my BIL, who probably told her that I'm a walking red flag with recruiters (who could blame him), means she wouldn't want ANYONE from her agency to work with me. Did I tell my sister I know where her husband is working? No. Why dig my hole bigger than it needs to be. Of course, it's speculation that my BIL and this recruiter talked about me but its a small recruiting world.

Recruiter #2crossed my boundaries by asking me to tell her the names of law firms I've interviewed with.

Now, someone with common sense would hold their boundary and say, "That's personal information." And not tell the recruiter. Do I have common sense? Sometimes. Did I when she asked me? No. Apparently, my common sense is intermittent. Like cellphone WiFi when you're driving. My common sense comes and goes.

As soon as I listed the place I interviewed for, I regret it. Why? Because two days after I interviewed and was verbally offered a job at the law firm, they rescinded their offer the same day I told this recruiter they interviewed me. Coincidence? I think not. I created that disaster due to my lack of common sense.

Oversharing is my kryptonite. My anxiety makes me overshare. I naively think I'm safe oversharing information with strangers who meet me. How dumb can I be? Even this recruiter warned me not to overshare in interviews. So, apparently, my oversharing was obvious to HER.

I can't blame these recruiters for my idiocracy. My inability to navigate interpersonal boundaries in safe mode, the way the Mac computer's i-keychain keeps its password encrypted and protected. I need an i-keychain to encrypt my oversharing trigger or shut it down.

Oversharing sabotages my ability to effectively get my needs met. There is literally no benefit to overshare information with another person. Because that person will just take advantage of the oversharer in the end.

So, two lessons learned this week. I need to learn to keep my business to myself. I think the reason I overshare is because I feel lonely and wrongly believe people will help me if I overshare.

Do I expect either of these recruiters to find me direct hire roles? Nope. Not based on everything I've written about in this thread.