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CANDC · Jul 02, 2023 at 10:23 AM

Hi @Helmus I am so sorry you are still sad and missing your girlfriend. That sounds rough.

What I have found is that all the losses are interconnected like the underground root system of plants. When I experience loss in one section of my life, it is like the whole system of roots are activated and I feel grief.

The good news is you have a routine started and that can be a help. I find when I have a routine of reaching out to support others for example on this site, it refocuses my attention on the fact others are suffering too.

The most difficult thing for me to let go of is the belief that I had true happiness in a relationship that is now gone. When I write down the things that went right and also all the things that went wrong, or that caused discord, then I start to see that my own exaggerations and idealizations of the relationship are a big part of why I still feel grief.

With my mom dying, I listed all the things I felt grateful for but I also admitted to myself all the times she was overbearing and or controlling. She did the best she could struggling with the mental health challenges she faced. I still grieve but in my mind there is less of a story idealizing that relationship. I see things in less black and white terms. It is not easy and I am trying to take a longer perspective.

You are right, anti-depressants can take a long time to kick in fully. Hope over the long term you see improvements and less symptoms. @CANDC