Just obsessing about the past today and it's brought my mood down. I let so many years go by and did nothing with my life. Now I'm in a position where my life is about to be decided and not by me.

I keep thinking about so many things I could have done with my life and now it looks like I am going to have a record that is already stopping me from getting a good job. I feel so hopeless, but my meds keep me balanced so I guess this overall numbness is supposed to be normal?

How I envy all of you who have therapists. Been trying for months to get one. My therapist of 12 years died a few years ago due to covid complications. I haven't been able to find a therapist since.

God, sometimes I wonder why I even bother or try.