That's great that you had some success with calling him on his drama. The more you do that, the more you'll see what's really a problem, and what's just manipulative drama.

Mine's baseline seems to be thinly veiled anger. From what I understand, this is typical for someone with a passive aggressive personality. Mine also changed significantly personality-wise. It felt like it was overnight.

With my dh, I have no idea what the underlying cause for the change has been. I've considered (and still do some days) that he might have an early onset form of behavioral dementia, might have brain damage (this is a possibility from a significant medical issue, or the 10.5 hours of anesthesia he had as a result), mid life crisis, major depressive disorder, collapsed covert narcissist, and probably a few other possibilities too.

BUT here's the thing, whether this is a choice on his part, or something that he can't control, strong boundaries are still okay. They aren't mean, they're the way you take care of yourself in a relationship. This is really sad, but teenage DD once said about dh, "if he's going to act like a toddler having a tantrum, treat him like a toddler having a tantrum." . The worst part of that is that's she's right, because it works.

I hope you're doing okay today. He's certainly sounds challenging.