Thanks for your support, July and me05. I think I need to talk to my t. Problem is she's on my college campus and I'm stuck at home for the summer--which is probably why I'm having these urges again...

I've tried most of those methods: the rubber band doesn't hurt enough; the red pen just doesn't do anything; I have little privacy at home, so screaming in a pillow is likely to be overheard (I get yelled at for crying or anything like that); talking to a friend usually works, but I can never get a hold of anyone; I'm still new here, so I don't know who I could PM about this; I'm too depressed to put pen to paper; I exercies a lot, but it's no substitute; I don't really HAVE any upbeat music :/ ; and it's hard for me to find anything positive to think about when I get like this. The one method that used to work for me, but isn't doing that much for me anymore, is running ice-cubes over my wrist or clenching them in my fist. It's a really intense feeling, but it doesn't stop the urge anymore...

I haven't cut again yet, but I'm afraid I will. I want to feel that pain again, because I feel I deserve to hurt... The third anniversary of my mother's passing is coming up in less than a week and my feelings are all so intense, but I can't cry. I feel like I'd be able to if I cut again...

How long did it take you to stop ripping skin off your feet, Jully?

Thanks for replying, though. I really appreciate it.

(((((((((Jully))))))))))
(((((((((me05))))))))

J