I'm so sorry about what you are going through, and wish I had something wise or comforting to offer.

It sounds, at least, that you are growing as an individual. Even if it's not for her, it is still good for you and whatever your future may hold.

My heart hurts for you. You have obviously been through a lot already and this may be another difficult time.

Are you still in counseling? That seems like it could be a blessing right now?