I was talking to my sister about why I think I'm single and my sister is like quit being annoying and then I realise I'm obsessing again. Obviously I'm afraid without needing to of ending up with someone that sucks or alone. Which is a phobia I understand that it impacts my family I feel so bad for going on and on about it. I feel bad it's so damn annoying to have these thoughts and then feel guilty when you realise that your repeating it. I heard there's lots of counselling for it but my guilt is more because I've always been a hard case to crack it's like just feel sorry for my family. I feel like a bad person for needing counselling I just feel different to my peers I feel defensive I feel like people are attacking me personally. I feel afraid of being alone because I just feel so different to others but how does that make sense. I know I probably not only annoy my sister but anyone else I talk to about how often I talk about the frustration of not being treated with respect. Why does my mind fixate about that is it because I've seen how dangerous disrespect can be am I afraid of being trapped like my mother was. Either way I'm afraid and I don't even realise until my sister points it out. I feel defensive I feel fragile.